Sky

In the fast it has fallen
where secrecy bares lies
the copper is coating
the belljar alive

where there is no air
beneath a carpeted sky
we dash forth among them
in shadows we hide

they walk on through us
we feel but a chill
the answer that was awaiting
waits for us still

Discarding Therapy

Much like there is a so called "Retail Therapy" I am proposing the exact opposite. Think about going out and buying yourself "things" to make yourself feel better...are you serious?

Here's an idea- Discard the things you own before they start owning you (thanks again Chuck P)
Most of the people whom engage in this idiotic behaviour tend to not even purchase anything that helpful- a Juicer from Sharper Image, a Crepe Pan from Crate+Barrell- perhaps even a basket of gourmet "goodies" from David+whomever...

It would make most people feel better not to have these things. Technology, consumerism and related "isms" are not a-moral and certainly immoral in many cases.

Justify why we need Google Earth.

Justify why we need cloning.

Justify why kids spend more time playing WII Golf than actual Golf.

Justify how all the gadgets you have make your life better...better yet, answer this: if you had to hunt your meat and sow your own crops working all day just to feed yourself and make enough $ to put a roof over your head- do you think you could possibly have ADD or Restless Leg Syndrome? You wouldn't have the time for these made-up symptoms to emerge- or exist!

People would once again enjoy nature and corporate sponsorships for highways would cease to exist.

I don't want this to happen- but entropy calls and when it does- orderliness seldom goes hand in hand with it.

Art MIght Imitate Life, But Does Love?

I know millions have debated whether or not art imitates life or vice versa. People have wasted innumerable wasted hours on mundane cliches like this and posited equally fradulent statements about the meaning of life.

I do not want to judge these people but I will. They are morons. I am not.

What I am about to examine is something far more specific-- whether or not love imitates art, or art imitates love.

For instance, the first time a man chased a woman in an airport as she was boarding her flight (pre 9-11) to stop her from leaving and that he loves her and such. Did this actually happen? Did that first scriptwriter or director actually witness this or were they told this by someone else? Or did they make it up because it sounded good?

See here's the problem, I can give you a million more examples of this type of archetypal scene permeating our subconscious- though I would rather have a lobotomy.

So here is the thing thats killing me-- I really have no idea what love is or what it should look like. I understand that you should not have a predetermined ideal inscribed in your mind (or heart), but I don't know how I would know if I was. But I havent.

So that being said, leet me be clear-- I can safely say I have never been in love. I was once told being in Love is like China-- you know its there (even though its around the world and you have probably never been there) but rely on pictures, stories from travelers, stories, articles, atlas' etc.

When You Don't Know What You Want (You End Up With Alot of What You Don't...)

I blindly followed the laws of society as they were dictated to me-- albeit unaware I was walking down the path that would ultimately lead to my demise.

I worked really hard and made a lot of money. I got married. I played golf on weekends and I went to bed early during the week.

I could not tell you why I did any of the above except I thought that is what one is "supposed to do." I was consumed with high end catalogs-- buying shaving brushes with a faux tortoise shell handle and a juicer. Why?

I don't know.

I am in touch with humanity at present, simply because I acknowledged what was wrong with my life and consciously rejecting it.

Of course I still have a job-- but it no longer defines me. I am not defined by anything I do any more, I am simply myself.

A Generation of Men Raised by Women or Part I, an Introduction

Men today have lost touch with their identity. It was not too long ago that we were hunter-gatherers, entrusted with feeding, sheltering and protecting our families. This is no longer the case.

Chuck Palahniuk's magnum opus, Fight Club, changed my life forever. Whilst the book has many themes running concurrently throughout (Neo-Luddism, Anarcho-Primitivism, loneliness, etc.) it is really a struggle between modern man and the impulses of his male subconscious. As the story progresses, the nameless narrator surrenders more and more of himself to the beckoning of his alter-ego-- and eventually stumbles to what I believe is the pinnacle of self-realization-- what being a man really means.

It isn't about marriage, possessions or consumerist status symbols. It's about clarity-- ignoring what we are "supposed" to be doing (buying nice furniture, working in a cubicle, etc.) and uncovers the true path to salvation.

This is my journey.

Manifesto Destiny

Not that anyone reads this blog but I would still like to apologize for the recent dearth of posts. I have been busy reading up on all things related. to the next stage in this experiment, my manifesto.

I have come to realize that I am a neo-luddite and frankly, it has changed my life for the better. In order to share this blessed gift I will be devoting more time in the near future to due diligence and watxhing The Notebook.

The Southern Cross

One of the most beautiful songs I have come to know is "Southern Cross" by Crosby Stills Nash and Young (also popularized by Jimmy Buffetts cover).

The greatest force driving the music is love, but not love in the traditional sense eg between two people etc. It really is the stability of the partner here, the "southern cross," a part of a constellation travelers/sailors used to find their way. Had you not known this- the way the stars are sung about could be the way you feel about that one person- that one thing dear to your heart, except the stars are always there- they can't hurt you and leave you. Sure they may be hidden behind cirrus, stratus or cumulus clouds- but inevitably they're always there.

Personally I prefer Buffett's cover- it speaks to me. Maybe its his love of the ocean that is more convincing than 4 hippies whom probably never sailed- I don't know.

Crazy Impulses

Sometimes I think that if I don't do something in a (very) short amount of time, I am going to die. Now I realize this will probably never happen but I follow through with it anyway.

For instance if I am sitting on the couch in the morning and I hear my backup alarm (on my mobile) go off in the bedroom, I will subconsciously say to myself, "if I don't turn it off by the fourth beep, I am going to die."

Now if this were an odd occurence it would be acceptable, but when it starts to affect your daily behavior and routines it is simply unacceptable.

Another crazier one-- if I am in a car on a two way street, I will push my tongue up against the back of my front teeth until a car comes in the opposite direction, at which point I will move my tongue away from my teeth whilst the car is passing me directly and I follow by reapplying my tongue once it has passed (so my tongue is only away from my teeth during the split second the car is alongside me).

If that doesn't make sense to you, it's probably better that way. Imitating this is not the sincerest form of flattery.

The Gift of Chuck Klosterman

Chuck Klosterman is perhaps the greatest pop culture authoritarian of our generation. His books are a compendium of growing up with glam rock, college life, living in Manhattan and growing up in a small town. I must say I think some of his earlier contemporaries were just as gifted (mainly Brett Easton Ellis, Jay McInerny and Chuck Palahinuk) but Klosterman's message is clearly the least vile and most readable.



I really appreciate his random musings on topics like: serial killers, reality TV, the Sims, getting pulled over for speeding in Montana, and so forth...



If you have not read one of his books (I fancy Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs and Killing Yourself to Live myself), do so right away.

Favorite Days Part II

My other favorite days seem to fall into an odd category-- days that I am lost. See I never get lost by accident, many times I try to get myself as lost as possible so I cannot remember my bearings. In the United States its pretty fun and easy to find your way back (to wherever you started from) since there are people whom speak the same language as you.



Now I had the experience of trying this little stunt in a small town in Greece called "Athens." Two things I found out on this trip: 1. Greeks love to violate your personal space and frequently shout inches away from your face 2. Greeks do not like Americans or dogs.

I did my best to dress European (wore pants and a fairly trendy euro-style shirt) and blend in with the crowds yet I was still sought out by every gypsy, street merchant and weirdo. Keeping in mind both axioms mentioned above, I am not used to people screaming in my grill in another language. If you want that treatment in the US of A you probably have to pay extra for it. Nonetheless, taking a step in and raising your hand like you are about to strike someone is not a good idea-- turns out that strangers on the streets of Athens will help each other out when an irate American is on their turf.

So four hours and 3 sets of wrong directions later, I made my way to the Acropolis. Backing up one step here I would like to say that all of Athens is replete with colonnades, decor, parks, statues, museums, etc. from that period of time we refer to as "B.C." People there do not even realize how crazy it is-- that a 60 foot ionic column that appears to be 4000 years old has advertisements tacked on to it and is sitting only a foot from a major thoroughfare.

So when I made it to the Parthenon atop the great Acropolis, to say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. It is a history buffs dream (much like everything else in the city). I cannot tell you how awe inspiring the views are from there and how insignificant the place makes you feel.

One really amazing thing I took away from the trip is that the moon really gets close when you look at over the Mediterranean at night. It is huge.

Another equally surprising thing about Athens is that there doesn't seem to be much need for pet stores, dog breeders or kennels. Apparently people just walk down the street and take dogs home and make them pets. Lose your dog? No big deal, just go out and find another. What is funny is that Americans are usually alert to a stray dog in their vicinity and won't approach it, which can be interpreted as the dog having the upper hand (regardless if they can smell fear or not). In Greece, stray dogs live in constant fear of humans. People just walk up to dogs and beat them mercilessly-- I mean to the point of long term damage. Seeing it happen in person several times over the period of a work-week was troubling to say the least.

So on my long sojourn home from the acropolis I found a quiet cafe on a corner, ordered my weight in lamb, potatoes and Mythos (Greek Beer); and read a book I brought.

I eventually found my way home in one piece though I do not recommend any type of transportation unless you speak the language or are traveling with someone that does. Taxi drivers will attempt to get you to coax over the amount for a lunar landing and buses are not a good option, especially when you are an American and nobody will let you off at your stop.

Another thing that is weird-- you can't really buy individual drinks at most bars, you need bottle service, though its not like $700 for a bottle of Grey Goose like in NY. Also they give you choices of fruit juices to go in said bottles.

Once I let my guard down (everytime two people have a normal conversation like "how are you John?" "I am good Charles, how is the family?" etc) and realized not every conversation would come to blows as a result of their proximity to one another with accelerating decibel levels, I cooled out. End Transmission.

Favorite Days

This past weekend was my birthday. It was also incidentally one of my favorite days as a grown up. Though technically my birthday fell on Sunday, I celebrated with my friends on Saturday.

Here is how it went down:

Friday night was Halloween, I dressed up as Samantha Ronson (Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend). It was a pretty awesome costume if I do say so myself and most people seemed to agree. My friend Thomas dressed up as Satan from South Park, his gf Melanie dressed as Amy Winehouse and my friend Brandon (who came up from DC) dressed as the villain from scream. Upon seeing his costume I asked him who spilled 1997 all over him-- he didn't appreciate it that much.

At any rate we went to see a band (Booga Sugar)-- a popular band in the city and east coast at Crash Mansion. We were all housed by the time the band went on and we were front and center dancing our arses off, taking turns going to the bar for more fluids.

While I was in line for the men's room during their intermission I eyed a very attractive female two people ahead of me. Our eyes met, she then looked down-- I shifted my stance so that I could see her in my peripheral vision and noticed she cut me up rather obviously. I turned to her, waited for her to look back in my direction, put on my best crooked smile and then gave her a "come hither" look while motioning with my hand. She responded with a "who me" type reaction and I knew it was game, set and match.

She moved back in line to stand next to me and we started to talk. I put my hand on her elbow as we were speaking in close proximity due to the noise level. Before I knew it she had grabbed my hand and pulled me into a single bathroom with her, locked the door and started kissing me passionately. As I was processing everything that was happening, the bathroom attendant started banging on the door saying that one of us had to come out or we would be thrown out of the bar. Seeing all of my worldly possessions for that evening were in Amy Winehouse's purse, I couldn't allow this to happen. I exited the bathroom and waited for her outside.

Since I did not have my phone on me (once again in Amy's purse) I opted to give her my number (never tried that before) and we went our separate ways to look for our friends.

We spent the rest of the night after Booga went off at the Alehouse just shooting the breeze and having fun. We went back to Thomas' apartment around 5am and off to sleep.

Saturday we arose at 11 am, watched Entourage and then ordered in breakfast (which hit the spot). We all got cleaned up and went to the dog park inside Tompkins. This was a great time-- there were some freaky performance artists scattered throughout the park-- they were all wearing blue ox helmets and most were engaging in typical human behaviour-- playing checkers, reading, having conversations, etc. There was one notable exception-- a guy was chained to a tree in the middle of one of the promenades. He was kinda laying down and bereft of shoes, with a dirty shirt and pants on.

The dog park itself was really cool, lots of beautiful dogs and single women. I asked one young Asian woman what kind of dog she had (whilst she was petting him), she told me he was an Italian mastiff. I then told her he was well hung-- everybody around us started laughing and she asked me to repeat what I said, so I replied "he looks like fun."

Shockingly, she walked away.

After that we went to a local bar for appetizers and drinks and did some shots around midnight for my birthday. It was uneventful but entertaining.

The girl from the bathroom texted me on Sunday while I was treating myself to dinner and watching football at a local bar&grill by me. Everything worked out nicely.

Obama's Big Win

It seemed like the whole world was pulling for Obama this past Tuesday-- the press remained firmly in his corner as countless foreign politicians and government-types expressed their gratitude to the American people for sending "The One" to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue this January.

As a conservative and someone that did not vote for President Elect Obama, I actually felt pretty good about the outcome-- clearly much better than when President Clinton unseated Bush 41 and Senator Bob Dole lost to the "Man from Hope" four years later.

The GOP did manage to avoid a full on bloodbath by limiting the democrats to 58 senate seats and therefore short of a filibuster gold card. Considering everything that happened in the past 4 years, the GOP should consider itself lucky- getting drunk with power and partaking in all the excesses that the Newt Gingrich led "Contract with America" railed against.

Most Ridiculous Horoscope Ever

Today is my birthday.

Some important birthdays throughout history for November 2nd: Daniel Boone (remember the Alamo), Presidents Polk (Manifest Destiny Biatch) & Harding (handsome "compromise candidate whom handsomely failed the oval office) Patrick Buchanan and most notably celebrities KD Lang & David Schwimmer (yawn).

My birthday is also "All Souls Day" for those into religion/spirituality and today in 1960 Penguin Books was found "not guilty" of obscenity for publishing Lady Chatterley's Lover. Edgy.

After a birthday Bacon, Egg and Cheese sandwich I checked my email and imagine my amazement when I opened a link to my birthday horoscope:

David,

Your chart right now practically shouts that you need to exercise more, and you need to watch your diet. You have financial opportunities to celebrate, but if you do that with cookie dough ice cream, it will go straight to your waist line right now.

Cookie dough ice cream? Shouts that I need to exercise more?

I am not overweight, nor am I a perfect specimen of health but I sure as hell don't think about taking advantage of a financial opportunity to celebrate with cookie dough ice cream. But seriously, is this the way some clown interpreted the stars? You can't make this stuff up.

Number 5

A female friend of mine, affectionately nicknamed "No. 5" is hilariously, outrageously insane. She is smart, funny, insightful, very attractive and a typical Leo. If you know her well enough, you will find out that she has some of the best stories on the planet. I will continue to add to the compilation as she enriches my imagination with tales of maniacal schemes and plans.

For Instance, No. 5 has:

-Sent Santa a suicide note. When she was a little girl she told Kris Kringle that if he didn't deliver 2 cabbage patch kids she would end it all.

-Buys chocolate chip cookies but only eats the chips. This can be messy and difficult to watch at times.

-Thinks she went through post-partum depression with her dog. She wasn't sure she loved the canine when she first got her and was afraid to be alone with her for fear of causing Fido harm.

-Is experimenting with something called the "Blood Type Diet." Things she has told me regarding her blood type (A negative): 1. Its not good to have swiss cheese 2. is more prone to getting STD's

-Wants to get married so she can get divorced. Thinks having an "ex husband" will make her sound more grown up.

More to come. She is one of a kind and the greatest.

The Dancing Bartender

I am not stupid, I just wanted to hear her say it. I was at a bar with a friend and this bartender (who was pretty but also a tad rough around the edges) started taking an interest in me. As she began getting more comfortable, she moved in closer and rolled up her sleeves.

I notice there is ink on both arms. I proceed with my line of questioning now that we are friendly.

David: I am guessing you have another job since I have never seen you here on any other nights?

Bartender: Were you looking for me on other nights?

D: Seeing I just met you 20 minutes-- that doesn't seem very likely, so back to my question-- what else do you do?

B: Um, well, I don't usually tell people this but... I...I....I.....I dance

D: Wow that's great, ballet or another classical style? Sorry I am not much of a dancer

B: No, not that kind of dancer

D: Oh right, my bad...So ignorant of me. You're into modern dance when they play all those crazy sounds and noises...wow thats, gr-

B: --No, no, no its not that. I dance in a club, you know what I mean?

D: Right right right, I am with you now. Is it in the city?

B: No its in New Jersey

D: Being a go-go dancer in a night club must be nuts. Don't you get tired?

B: UGH! I am not a go-go dancer and its not a night club. Its a strip club and I am a stripper!!!



Bingo.

Florida: Part of the Problem, Not the Solution

When people in other countries read or view stories about the American public, odds are it is coverage that is downright disparaging. I've heard the European Press loves to visit Ocean City, MD for summer beach pieces. I have only been there once in my life and regrettably in the few hours I spent there I can honestly say I saw: more mullets per capita than in Georgia, two young boys (approx 8-11 years old) swap their pants on the boardwalk whilst in the presence of their parents (whom did not even bat an eyelash) and more than one woman wearing a t-shirt that said on the front "I Kissed A Girl" with "And I liked it-- Ocean City, MD."

Okay so I realize I had a point somewhere and it simply is that not necessarily all the a** backwards, uncivilized, intolerable behaviour occurs in the places you may think, i.e. the usual culprits-- Alabama, Tennessee, New Jersey, etc.

(FYI basically anything I say below is an opinion. Like the rest of the media, I'm going to treat the facts loosely.)

The biggest offender in the Continental 48 is without a doubt, Florida. Maybe it is because we picked them up on the cheap from the French, maybe the heat and humidity have Colonel Jessoped the populace, or just maybe, just maybe, possum isn't "the other white meat."

For starters, 90% plus of all teacher-student sex trysts/crimes/offenses take place in Florida. Female teachers also tend to take things to the next level in the sunshine state by trying to get their pre-pubescent lovers to bump off their beaus and/or dispose of the body.

Casey Anthony? This just isn't fair. DIDN'T ANYONE NOTICE HER DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT FROM HER LIFE FOR, SAY OH, THREE MONTHS? Maybe the grandparents whom apparently love their granddaughter so much should have paid closer attention. I mean seriously, three months is the quarter of the year-- the length of a season. How do you not realize a family member is absent for say the entire summer?

What about hurricanes? It's not like its a random Indonesia-tsunami-type event, these things maul the coast every year, often more than once. As the precious waterfront continues its erosion inland, more and more people live on the coast that are seemingly under-prepared for the deluge water sent courtesy of mother nature. I mean seriously, don't think that the 10ft+ 4x4's you have holding up the beach-side of your house will hold during a category 2 storm. Yet they do.

Disney scares the crap out of me. I don't know who or what to believe anymore concerning what goes on in that place. Apparently Tyler Durden once worked in their studios if you have ever seen The Lion King or The Little Mermaid with the spliced images of inappropriate material.

I've heard Disney searches the Megan's Law Database for employees, that registered sex offenders have been hired to work as the characters (in FL they refer to them as "the critters") around the park.

Is Walt Disney's head cryogenically frozen on site? I'm not sure.

I read that someone died in the moat on one of the rides and they just tied the corpse to a buoy until hours were over and then fished it out.

I also read that Disney World has the same status as an embassy on foreign soil where host country rules do not apply. This includes a Disney-run penal system with a judge and jail on premise, complete with a fake Mickey holding the bars in a mock cell.

Now today I randomly spot the best article that demonstrates my point:

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/oct/25/250111/na-escaped-monkeys-make-mischief-on-ranch/imwY/

Now just from the link you know its going to be good because a) it is in Florida and b) it involves monkeys.

I laughed my a** off reading this. Most notably for a few quotes:

"You don't think about monkeys in this part of Florida," said Clark, a retired agriculture teacher from Plant City High School.

Two things jump to mind, 1) Do people think about monkeys in other parts of Florida? 2) Were you really entrusted with shaping the minds of students at some point in your life, even if it was in agriculture?

Another good one:

"People don't know what they are," said Wehrmann, a St. Petersburg veterinarian. "People think they are squirrels."

Riiiiiggggghhhhttttt....

"Around that time Clark's 10-year-old grandson came up with a solution. The young sportsman wanted to shoot one of the monkeys and mount it in his bedroom."

Is sportsmen really the word? I have nothing against hunting, but I don't tend to associate it with monkeys. Would you really want to go to bed at night with a stuffed monkey looming over you?

Whatever. Florida is a nuisance to the country. I see this topic coming up again.

Michael Scott's 10 Favorite Bruce Springsteen Songs

"Mike gave me a list of his 10 favorite Bruce Springsteen Songs. 3 were Huey Lewis and the News, one was Tracy Chapman's 'Fast Car;' and my personal favorite...'Short People.'"

Donald and Daisy

This is an actual conversation that took place with a friend of mine. I am clearly baffled since it is the year 2008 and we are in New York:

David: I'm adopting a puppy from the pound

Helen: Are you really?

D: Well apparently "dog pounds" don't exist anymore (neither do dog catchers either)--- crazy right? I figured I could cut out the middleman and just get a dog catcher to find me a dog I like. So after I couldn't find a dog pound or a dog catcher on information I googled it and it kept redirecting me to these "animal shelters." So after work I am going to go to one. I hope they have dogs there bc I dont want another kind of animal. wish me luck.

Whats the 411 hun? How are you doing?

H: I have been trying to adopt a dog too they are very strict. But good luck I want to see it if you get it. What kind do you want? NOthing new with me just working alot and figurin out my Halloween costume. YOu going to *name redacted*?

What about you? Besides dog huntiing what are you up to?

D: Whas good Helen?

Well I wish you luck on your quest for the worlds greatest companion. Did you know they don't have frogs at an animal shelter? I asked for an animal to tide me over but "they don't do that" apparently. So I'm now finding out from the landlord if I'm allowed to have a duck on premise-- there isn't a waiting period or background check...and they have two in stock. Fingers crossed.Yes ill go to *name redacted or however you spell it.

H: I may ask for one for Christmas.. My mom had a pet duck growing up in the city so there may be a chance for you to have one. She is writing a book about it actually. His name was Mike he is stuffed in her livingroom which is sort of creepy :) Well I guess I will see you necxt week.

What are you plans for the weekend?

D: PLEASE SEND ME A PICTURE OF MIKE!!!! PLEASE!!!!

...to be continued

Definitely See It Once, Maybe See It Twice

Definitely, Maybe is a good movie. I rented it because someone very intoxicated recently told me that I looked like "Van Wilder." "Van Wilder" is Ryan Reynolds, the guy who just married Scarlett Johannsen (sp?-- don't really care) so obviously he is doing something right. Seeing that I am very good looking though not necessarily of that caliber, I'll take it as a compliment.

I digress.

Anyhow it had a decent premise-- tell your daughter a story akin to "Magnolia" so she can figure out how you met her mother involving your relations(hips) with 3 women-- even though a tale you weave makes her think that she is an accident and/or possibly not your kid.

It was funny, poignant and romantic without being really cheesey.